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My earliest memory is me pretending to read a newspaper. I also remember not wanting to go to school. I screamed, I cried and my parents still sent me to school. During the first classes I would just sit there and not take anything down. I relied on my auditory memory. I did not care what I learned. I did not care about my class mates. I did not care about our teacher. I just felt a little annoyed when the teacher told everyone that I could read. What a great way to start a fire. 

There was writing and reading, English, Maths, some sewing and painting. Days went by and I just kept gathering As without bothering to recall what I had learned. I was one of the best students in class. I got prizes for good grades. Things were going swell. Some people told me that I was talented. I did not care about what they said about me. I was just happy that I painted well. What I really wanted was to paint some more, to play, to read stories and to watch cartoons in Italian. I did not enjoy Math and nobody helped me with my homework. It seemed to me that I was stuck in a boring place and I had to find a strategy for advancing to the next level of the game. 

 

                                                                       

After four years of pretending to learn I switched schools. I got in on my own merit. Romanian language, English, Latin, Maths, Chemistry, History, Art, Music, Biology, German from what I recall. I was the third in my class during four more years and things went swell as well. I liked Biology, English, Romanian, German and Art. Wished I could spend my days painting. These were the times when I would sit in my room and paint and forget about the world, even though my art teacher told me I was attracted to kitsch. I would do my homework with music in the background. I would also go to the movies (The Matrix, Gladiator), watch MTV Video Music Awards and sitcoms. I stuffed my head with pieces of information then forgot everything I took in. Wished there was some way to get some of my class mates off my back, including my desk mate Ramona who would torment me to teach me the law of karma. I just did not care about what she had to say about me. I knew I was better than her. I did not realize the fierce competitiveness going on.

High school was the point where I realized I wasn't the brightest fish in the pond. Again I just did not care. What interested me was a winning strategy: how to get enough good grades so as to get out of town. I participated in some English contests, I answered the most intrusive questions from my class mate Elena who struggled to temper my feelings of superiority in vain. I tried to stay under the radar again not being aware of the fierce competitiveness going on. Teachers would say stuff to me I would just forget about it the next day because, you've guessed it, I just did not give a damn about anybody or anything. Wished there was some sort of assertiveness training for pupils who were being targeted by their class mates. Nobody hurt my feelings because I was too naive to understand what they were getting at and knew I was better than all of them. 

College came and went. I did not care what I learned, I thought going out would help improve my social skills, I got lousy grades, I was looked upon as being stupid. The same old story. A bunch of competitive uckers who were just put there to test me. I did not care about them, I did not care about my teachers, I only cared about getting my bachelor's, which I did. Then master's followed. Nothing out of the ordinary. Good grades, passed my dissertation exam. Yay. Did not stop for a second to think about how I could have improved the curriculum, what I would have liked to learn. Was busy with getting some additional competitive ssholes of my back. What can I say? It seems that I attract abusers into my life. Wished there was some sort of wit course we could all take and some body to which we could report cases of stalking and cyberstalking. 

 

Then I went to Holland for a training on self-directed learning. I went there out of curiosity. I had the strange impression they were going to teach me painting in a week's time. After coming back home I was hospitalized. I left town and started taking medicine for psychological problems. It seems the abuse I was subjected to finally got to me. I was hospitalized three times although to this day I believe there is nothing wrong with me psychologically. 

I tried to lead a normal life but people would insist on happening. I am not a people person. I've always felt superior to your average Joe and would look for ways to get ahead. I've met people who seemed strange to me at first sight but who would prove useful in the long run. I still had no idea what to do with my life, what I should've learned, what I should've done. Took some occupational tests and found out I was Artistic-Social. Great. Also found out about positive psychology and the Law of Attraction. Both seemed like ullshit to me. 

Got a job, tried to ignore the competitive ssholes working there, was later fired. At first I felt desperate, then I felt happy. I got out. Yay. 

Started reading psychology, neuroscience, bussiness and fiction books. Learned about myself which I realized was something I have always wanted to do. Expressed myself through different blogs, experimented, implemented some of my ideas. People took notice of them although nobody told me so. They just thought I was stupid enough to go along with their masterful deceit. What I should have learned: storytelling, painting, foreign languages, self-defense, financial education, emotional intelligence, creative writing, social media, photography, ethical hacking, psychology, neuroscience, data analysis, creative coding, learning to learn, entrepreneurship, web development. 

Damn.